How to Avoid Emotional Triggers for Each Enneagram Type
Each of the nine Enneagram types has "unforgivable triggers". These are behaviors that can cause difficult emotional experiences in each type. We have a quick breakdown to help you understand these triggers, not only to avoid causing harm in relationships but also to foster personal growth. By recognizing these triggers, individuals can work on forgiveness and learn to navigate their interactions with greater ease and empathy. While these focus on triggers for the nine types, keep in mind that there are specific triggers for each of the 27 Enneagram subtypes.
Enneagram Type 8
Avoid exploiting their vulnerability
Enneagram Type Eights are selective with whom they choose to show vulnerability. It’s rare and when they do, it’s significant for them. If they do open up and you use their vulnerabilities against them, they can feel a strong sense of betrayal. They will regret exposing themselves to you if their trust is violated in this way.
Enneagram Type 9
Avoid disrespecting their autonomy
Enneagram Type Nines are naturally adaptive and can be taken for granted because of this. When others use their adaptability against them—assuming they will always go along or pushing them to do things they aren't comfortable with—it feels like a violation of their autonomy. Disrespecting their pace or ignoring their preferences can lead to feelings of exploitation.
Enneagram Type 1
Avoid violating a cherished rule
Enneagram Type Ones may not always follow every rule, but when they evaluate a rule and it is deemed important to them, they will follow it. When these are violated, they may experience it as a profound offense. Spend some time to know what rules matter to them most and avoid breaking them. One example is how some Type Ones react strongly to littering, as it feels like an unnecessary harm to the environment, something they truly value.
Enneagram Type 2
Avoid dismissing their efforts
Enneagram Type Twos are sensitive to rejection. They invest heavily in relationships and helping others, so being rejected or feeling unappreciated can be painful. Twos feel particularly hurt when they are dismissed without any effort to understand their emotions or position. They value being seen and understood, and when their feelings are ignored or not taken seriously, it can feel disrespectful and unforgivable.
Enneagram Type 3
Avoid making them look bad
Enneagram Type Threes are concerned with their image and how they are perceived, especially in professional or group settings. If someone causes them to look bad, fail, or undermines their efforts, it is particularly upsetting. This includes not just personal failures but also when their work, team, or brand is negatively impacted due to someone else's actions.
Enneagram Type 4
Avoid disrespecting their individuality
Enneagram Type Fours are highly sensitive to rejection and to having their emotions invalidated. They feel deeply wounded when their unique perspective or feelings are not acknowledged or understood. This is similar to what is experienced by Type Twos, but for Fours, it is especially painful when their individuality is not respected. It's like confirming their worst fears about lack of connection and understanding, and a judgment against who they are.
Enneagram Type 5
Avoid gossiping
For Enneagram Type Fives, gossip is particularly unforgivable. They see it as a violation of privacy and a breach of trust. Even if the gossip isn't malicious, it still feels unsafe and unfair to talk about others when they aren't present. This can lead Fives to distance themselves from people who engage in gossip.
Enneagram Type 6
Avoid betraying trust
Trust is a foundational issue for Enneagram Type Sixes. When they trust someone, they do so wholeheartedly. However, if that trust is betrayed—especially in a long-term relationship where trust has been carefully built—it is devastating and challenging for them to forgive. Avoid saying you will do something and not following through, which can damage trust.
Enneagram Type 7
Avoid imposing limitations
Enneagram Type Sevens struggle with environments or people who dwell in negativity. They prefer to maintain a positive outlook and avoid pain or difficulty whenever possible. Being fenced in by negativity or a lack of possibilities can feel distressing, as it contradicts their natural inclination towards optimism and exploration.
In the journey of understanding ourselves, one of the most valuable insights comes from recognizing what each Enneagram type finds nearly unforgivable. These triggers—actions or behaviors that deeply wound—vary across the nine types but offer profound lessons in how we can better relate to one another. By understanding these sensitive areas, we not only gain insight into ourselves but also learn how to navigate our relationships with greater empathy and awareness.
